story
-
Jaws
I had two very different problems with my customers. First, they could spend hours hanging out in my store, bending my ear about the dumbest things. Their genius children. The weather. Religion (ugh). This made it difficult for me to get any work done. So, I made it very clear to all of my employees: Continue reading
-
A Hard, Hard Life
One Spring Day in second grade I was sitting at my desk, wondering where I was going to find the 12 cents I would need for that month’s Superman comic, when the front door opened. Some kid came in – must have been a ‘monitor’ from the office – and handed my teacher, Mrs. Levine, Continue reading
-
School Cred
By the time I was in the fifth grade, I was tall, thin and quiet. I did nothing to draw scrutiny and was ridiculously consumed with the possibility of doing something wrong. In October, I was chosen to play trombone in the newly formed school orchestra. Not that I showed an interest, or even any Continue reading
-
Ain’t That A Hit In The Head
I had a terrible stomach ache when I was 16. Started hurting around noon. I didn’t like making a big deal, so I just dealt with it all day, mostly doubled over, then went to bed. After a sleepless night I finally mentioned it to my mom. Turned out to be a gangrenous appendix that Continue reading
-
It’s Elementary (Part Two)
The dreaded Mrs. Auerbach had quite the reputation for ridiculing, belittling, and screaming at her fourth grade students. My summer recess was ruined, because the back of my third grade June report card indicated that I was to be in her class. Once fourth grade began, I managed to remain fairly invisible during school hours. Continue reading
-
Fatherhood
I was always a fun dad, but I seemed to get a bit more careless with each successive child. When our youngest, Matthew, was three, I took him to the park to fly model rockets. He was so excited! As I was preparing our first rocket for lift-off, I had to bite off, then spit Continue reading
-
What’s Going On…?
It’s great being retired. My wife and I are almost always together and we do whatever we want, all day long. Last month we were in JFK, waiting for our flight to Puerto Rico. Got there early, as we usually do. I noticed that people running late generally dash through the airport to their assigned Continue reading
-
It’s Elementary (Part One)
I am a product of the NYC Board of Education. But I’m okay. My father died when I was in elementary school. I was in the second grade. I returned to school in mid-December, after having stayed at home for a week. My classmates basically ignored me for a few days, which was behavior normally Continue reading
-
Firemen Get The Job Done!
When chasing after shoplifters began to take up too much of my time, I was forced to hire security for my pharmacy. First I hired off duty police, which was not exactly legal in those days; cops were not allowed to moonlight. Which turned out to be okay because they were mostly a waste of Continue reading
-
Kindergarten
When I was in kindergarten, I was in the morning class. I always looked forward to noon, which was when I got to go home. I felt pretty much the same way about school all the way through college. Our teacher, Mrs. Stevens, would line us up in size order, so I always brought up Continue reading
-
The Great Escape
When I was not quite two and a half years old, my Mom informed me that she needed to go to the library. So she dressed me, put me in my carriage, and off we went. (Okay. I know. “How can he possibly remember what happened when he was two?!! That’s ridiculous!” Well, I do. Continue reading
-
What is one word that describes you? Bewildered Continue reading
-
Dear 100 Year Old Phil:
Write a letter to your 100-year-old self. It’s enough already. Continue reading
-
It’s None Of Your Business
What is one question you hate to be asked? Explain. “Where are you from?” I’m from Brooklyn. “No, I mean where are you from? You’re family. What ethnicity?” Why is that anyone’s business? Continue reading
-
1956 BC
What are three objects you couldn’t live without? I was born in the year 1956 BC (Before Cellphones), and let me tell you, life was no picnic. When I wanted to go somewhere, I would drive around in circles because – get this – there was no voice telling me which way to turn! I Continue reading
-
Most Days…
Do you enjoy your job? I sure do. I wake up every morning whenever my eyes feel like opening. I shower, then spend the day with my wife, which is always a great way to spend the day. Sometimes my job takes me upstairs, to spend time with my 12 year old grandson, Jonathan. Or Continue reading
-
Baby Girl Redux
In 1989 we took the kids to Disney World. Mike was seven, Dana four. Stayed at a Disney resort. Mike loved it. Dana too…on most days. Dana was an adorable, beautiful little girl with ringlets of curls surrounding her face. But her eyes would turn dark when she felt slighted in any way. Storm clouds Continue reading
-
Teenagers
Actually I have had the opportunity to speak to my teenage self. Several times. I refrained from giving myself advice right off the bat, because as you know, teenagers think they know everything. So I waited a couple of weeks, then I told me I wanted to talk to me about something very important. To Continue reading
-
A Different Game
I was a big Mets fan growing up. I always hated hearing from old guys about how great baseball used to be in the ‘good old days.’ How baseball just was not good anymore. Well. One thing I knew back then was that when I grew up (which seemed inconceivable at the time), I would Continue reading
-
Road Rage
I managed a discount store on Livingston Street in Brooklyn in the late 1970s. It was a busy, crazy part of town. In the summer of 1979, I would spend my lunch hour one block north, walking down Fulton Street, which was where all the action was. The sidewalks were always teeming with shoppers, peddlers Continue reading
-
The Milk Man
In New York City in March of 1979 there was a milk strike. That’s right, a milk strike. I don’t remember what it was all about; maybe the delivery men wanted more money. Or maybe the cows wanted to unionize. All I know for sure is my Grandmother need a gallon of milk to get Continue reading
-
American Cheese
I owned retail stores. Pharmacies and greeting card stores. Worked them many hours a day, six or seven days per week. For 27 years. My kids worked whenever possible. For a few years in the early to mid 1990s there was a home for adults with mental disabilities three blocks from the store. A group Continue reading
-
Kong
One of the first deals under the Mets’ Fred Wilpon regime was to reacquire Dave “King Kong” Kingman in 1981. I suppose they wanted to add some pop to their lineup, and Kingman, a power hitter, was certainly capable of doing just that. At least 10% of the time. Kingman was a surly guy, as Continue reading
-
He’s Gonna Find Out
Think of your most memorable road trip. Driving home from Nashville on Christmas Eve with my son. Began our 16 1/2-hour trip a 11am. I drove until it got dark. By 1am Christmas day our car was the only sign of life. Everything was closed. No other cars on the pitch-black highway. My job was Continue reading
-
Observations and Grievances
–What’s the deal with all the superheroes these days? Superman. He can do it all. He’s Super! He’s all you will ever need. –Why does Rocky sound like he is suffering from brain damage in Rocky V, but like an intelligent, introspective, successful restauranteur and businessman in Rocky VI? –One thing you can always count Continue reading
PhilYouIn.com 