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My mother made me go to Hebrew school for five years only because many of my public school classmates went, and she thought it would help me to fit in.

It did not.

From third grade through sixth, twice a week, from 4pm to 6pm. Just what I needed after sitting in school all day: an even stricter environment.

I learned exactly one thing during that time, something that has always stuck with me: that there are different levels of charity, the highest being to give anonymously.

Hmmm. How cool! Help people without them ever knowing it was you. It’s what Bruce Wayne did every day, disguised as Batman. And what Peter Parker did, in his Spiderman costume.

I was answering the phone in the pharmacy department of my store one busy afternoon when a lady began to scream. A guy had grabbed her pocketbook, then taken off.

I took off after him.

Ran down the aisle, crashed through the front door and through the large parking lot. Zig zagged across four lanes of heavy traffic on Ralph Avenue, then north. Right turn onto Flatlands Avenue.

The guy was faster than I was, but I had run a few Half Marathons, and could go 15 miles. Easy.

“You’re faster than me, but I can go 15 miles!” I yelled to him. “Easy!”

Right turn on to 76th Street. I could tell the guy was beginning to have some difficulty with his breathing and pace, and after three more blocks – a little more than half a mile in total – I was cutting into his lead.

Two blocks more and he was done. He dropped the bag, and when I picked it up he was half a block away, bent over, hands on his knees, gasping for air.

“You suck!” he managed to yell at me.

“Your mother!” I calmly replied. I have always been quick with effective, juvenile comebacks.

I turned around and began to walk back to the store. When I reached the outskirts of the store’s parking lot, I met up with my partner, Larry, who had finally come looking for me. We walked back to the store together.

I was not looking forward to enduring my customer’s endless thanks. Plus, there was that thing I learned in Hebrew school.

So I gave the bag to Larry to return to the woman, and remained near the front door, leaning on a glass showcase, trying to catch my breath.

A big cheer went up from the back of the store when Larry returned with the bag.

I saw what was going on through the security cameras; apparently, Larry had decided that it would be a fine idea to take credit for not only returning the pocketbook, but for chasing the guy as well. He was back there basking in the customers’ adulation.

For something I had done!

They never taught us what to do about that kind of charity in Hebrew School!

I was really upset, but knew better than to say anything. I mean, how would that look? ‘Excuse me, but I’m the hero, not you!’ ?

So I stayed where I was. Eventually, Larry actually had the nerve to come up front and stand next to me, so he could continue to bask in our customers’ admiration as they left the store.

I knew exactly how I wanted to handle the situation, but a new jewelry showcase was so expensive to replace, so I decided against slamming his face through its glass top.

As it turned out, I didn’t have to say or do a thing:

Four women were walking towards the exit. The woman in front was in her 50s, and looked rather upset. I recognized her as a loyal prescription customer whom I had passed by at the beginning of the chase.

She stopped walking when we were face to face, and looked at me closely. She seemed angry. Livid.

I stared back, unsure what was going on. After holding my gaze for 10 extremely uncomfortable seconds, she said, in what was almost the loudest and clearest voice I had ever heard anyone speak,

“I saw what you did. You are very brave.”

She then turned to Larry and stared at him for 10 seconds. She looked deeply into his eyes. Into his soul.

Finally, with a look of pure disgust, she made a mocking sound, then said in what was the loudest and clearest voice I had ever heard anyone speak in, “You should be ashamed of yourself!”

Her words reverberated through the store, bouncing from aisle to aisle.

Then with a dismissive wave of her hand, she turned and made her exit.

The other women left without a word. Larry scurried back to the rear of the store.

Maybe Hebrew School was worth it, after all…